[ .S o n g t i t l e. ]
Foolish Games
by Jewel
Sunday, July 09, 2006
I cant see wats ahead of me...
["one way to kick a habit is to get a new addiction"]- i think i have 1 already but its not exactly mine.....yet?
not sure if any1 is to see this but still, i decided to blog again after so long... did intend to post something earlier on but halfway thru i juz tot that i would juz delete it.
so fast im already in my last yr of poly already. and before typing this, i was viewing my webby which i created during my o'lvl period. though looking back now its a bit childish looking, i intend to preserve tt look afterall. dun think there would be any further updates. those were e days man... slping in class, detention in e foyer, going to e toilet every now n then w/o e need to inform e teacher coz i sat at e back door n our class was juz next to it! n potang-ing sch, giving excuses like dental appointments for my braces (once kena caught by mr karid? our discipline master in e act, b4 reaching e sch gate safely. scary, but thrilling. all i had to do was act cool man.), n later kena lectured by my phy teacher 4 missing too many of her lessons (n she made me cry once ={ however, i sill love phy! =D) ... blah blah blah.. now i understand y ppl always say tt sch life is still e best. ironically, i wanted to grow up sooner. not sure if my idea has changed now, but i do feel kinda old already.
e other day went thru my sec sch journal when i was doing a bit of packing, thinking tt i would finally b moving out on my own for awhile but decided not to again. (i juz have a v big prob with e tenants. wanted to move out so damn badly. viewed a few places n had almost made my decision already.i had almost carried out my plan already until i heard tt they will b moving out next month. mayb tts y they tot i always tok crap tts y they nv take me seriously.={ tt was e reason y i was so determined to find a place myself in e first place.) ok back to e journal part, i was reading parts of it n i couldnt quite understand wat i had wrote. spaces were limited and i had to cramp those long stories with as few words used as possible. i came across this part with neo's stories. tt was e time when i was introduced to techno. ha. now when i listen to those songs would juz remind me of him. my fav is still Spirt of Yesterday which he sent me. all e pool sessions with him n andy. n those funny, memorable text msges we exchanged. hints which i din took note of or tried to ignore.... yes i actually took them dwn in my journal! at least when i look back now i know wat was happening during tt period of my life eh... kinda cute leh. yes.... n all e chances tt i have missed.
till now i still have not learnt to seize opporutunities tt r infront of me.... dumb eh...
currently (n at tis moment) i should be chionging my MP but im still rotting infront of my laptop, tv n n bed. kinda have given up my course totally, juz waiting to graduate n get my dip cert only. i have definitely crossed out e option of furthering IT in a university. hopefully after tt would finally go do wat i had always wanted to, take up design n get a job related to it.
going sip in overseas for next sem did go thru my mind but those countries werent really appealing to me. i would really like to get e experience of studying overseas, but i guess next time den if there is a chance again. staying in sg wun b a bad idea too coz it means tt i could work n save up for my long awaited hol!
prob i would stay on at villa bali and join loof after my exams to earn more extra cash. den i could work w brandon again!
at e moment dunno wats he thinking n how he feels about me already. he is like so distant nowadays. if only at tt point of time only he had appeared.. n not 2.-.- he was always interested to know if i had enjoyed e outings n stuff we had. this yr's bday he made it a point to ask me out n tt was kinda sweet, though no big suprises afterall. at e end of e day he would ask n check with me n stuff. did it really matter? even on tt nite at BarNone where his ex was with him all along? (not sure if it was wat i had heard, tt they have broken up already..again.. n i want tt one n only 'o-so-precious' pic tt su ying took of us so badly!!! sad) i juz din know y.. when i was working at Attica, it would make me smile whenever(n tt is like seldom until i worked at courtyard) i c him, though i would always act dao to him. miss all his teasing n irritation. hmmmm n he left shortly after i left for MOS..... think he also understood how irritated i was with the management there, n he also couldnt take it anymore.tt was 1 of e reason i left. but i also wanted to get away from those ppl. sometimes when i was out with them, i would think tt it would not last...n my relationship with them din when i had stopped working there. i was proven right. i wanted to stop living in tt kind of "dream".
e 2nd person i would think of from attica would b A. i think e way i acted sometimes might have given him e impression tt i "jiao ta ji tiao chun", n like wat e other girl said, dunno wat exactly m i thinking... its e fact tt i have been single most of my time, tts y i seem (n i act) as if i dun care about relationship n stuff... but i would really like to snuggle into some1's arms sometimes. which at 1 point of time at dbl0(tt i could remember so clearly... but mayb more than tt) i wanted to hug him tightly like a teddy bear which i gave up after a short n quick squeeze. (i was apparently a bit high too) we din cfm on anything, tt we were together or anything (but mayb it was kinda obvious huh) n whenever we become a bit intimate a tiny bit, shortly after we would act as normal again. kinda awkward... but mayb tts wat u call shy la...or otherwise..we were flirting lor
still... i think all along my heart is (n has been) with brandon. yes he is e ultimate winner even though tt time hanz broke e 'not-so-reliable' bad news to him. it broke my heart when he became so cold towards me (especially when he knew B was also interested in me)
watever it is.. im excited to join loof. however, i think i would wanna have schedule diff from his.
im like constantly running away from things,avoiding all stuffs....... n i think its bad. its tiring u know.....
i would really like to have long term relationships with ppl....frens.. girls n guys... we always seem to have lost touch after some time. of coz every1 has their own lives... but our frenship really means alot to me. so wat exactly is e prob? i guess its me.
1:43 AM
- I need some1, some thing to call my own, coz tts wat brings meaning to my life -
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Zhou Weiyi, Lydia
27/04/87
Temasek Poly (IT)
[ .w i s h i n g f o r. ]
Hip Hop dance class
e ability to cycle
design course
CASH
Before sunset & Before sunrise vcds
Jay Chou "The One" concert vcd
a drinking khaki
more Mango clothes
more Esprit clothes
[ .f a v o u r i t e t h i n g s. ]
my "rabbit" Thimble
Mu-ee piglet keychain
french manicure
music
KTV
japanese cuisine
Anna Sui's Ooh La Love perfume
Mango rugged skirt
U2 white skirt
lime green canvas bag
e live band @ Devil's Bar
drink
n get drunk
the beach
Bali's Beach & sunset
kopi/slacking ard with frens
